with your own penis?
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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