If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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