You made me cry and you don't even care
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You made out with two different species that night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
