i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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