So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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