his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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