Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
