he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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