you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
