I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
