Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize