I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
