I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
