if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
