she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize