I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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