he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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