fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
