I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
