she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize