There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
