I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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