i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize