mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
