Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
