Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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