I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize