Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
