apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
