I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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