I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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