I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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