Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Text me some of your sweat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
