I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize