you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize