K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
