Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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