I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
should my penis look like a turkey
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
