ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
