hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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