It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
