I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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