He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
