This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
