i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love having hate sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
MIDGETS
????
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
