i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
