The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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