ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
