But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
