i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
