I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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