You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
