Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry my hands just texted you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
