Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
