He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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