There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
