i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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