So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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