So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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