just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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