my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
