Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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