Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize