she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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