It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
