ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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