Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Send help, water and tortillas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
