You smell like stripper and shame
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just gift wrapped bread.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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