On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
