Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
