This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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