im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
