I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
