Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
