trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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