great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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