Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
