I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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