i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
