It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
