So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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