We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
