I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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