you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
