I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
