ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize