If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
