so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
