i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
