You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
