come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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