I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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