I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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