You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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