Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
