Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
