The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize