wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
