no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
