We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
