sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
