My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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