I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
