and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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