Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
